A Biblical Guide to Confronting Someone Who Has Wronged You

Confronting someone who has wronged you can be challenging, but the Bible provides wisdom and guidance on approaching such situations with grace, love, and righteousness. Here’s a detailed guide based on biblical principles:

Preparation

1. Pray for guidance and a softened heart– Seek God’s wisdom and strength before confronting the person.
   • Ask for the Holy Spirit to guide your words and actions.

   “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
   (James 1:5)

2. Examine yourself first
   • Reflect on your actions and motivations.
   • Ensure you’re not harboring unforgiveness or pride.

   “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”
   (Matthew 7:3)

3. Confirm the offense
   • Make sure you have accurate information about the wrongdoing.
   • Avoid acting on hearsay or assumptions.

The Confrontation Process

1. Approach privately
   • Speak to the person one-on-one first.
   • Choose a suitable time and place for the conversation.

   “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.”
   (Matthew 18:15)

2. Begin with love and respect
   • Start the conversation with a tone of genuine care and concern.
   • Express your desire for reconciliation and understanding.
3. Clearly state the issue
   • Be specific about the wrongdoing without generalizing.
   • Use “I” statements to express how their actions affected you.
4. Listen actively
   • Allow the other person to share their perspective.
   • Seek to understand their motivations and feelings.

   “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
   (James 1:19)

5. Speak truth in love
   • Be honest about the impact of their actions.
   • Balance truth-telling with compassion and kindness.

   “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”
   (Ephesians 4:15)

6. Seek resolution and forgiveness
   • Work together to find a way forward.
   • Be willing to forgive, as Christ has forgiven you.

   “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
   (Colossians 3:13)

Key Attitudes to Embody

1. Humility
   • Approach the conversation with a humble heart.
   • Be open to the possibility that you may have misunderstood or contributed to the issue.

   “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”
   (Philippians 2:3)

2. Gentleness
   • Speak with kindness and avoid harsh words or accusations.
   • Remember that gentleness can soften hearts and open doors to reconciliation.

   “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
   (Proverbs 15:1)

3. Patience
   • Be prepared for the process to take time.
   • Allow space for growth and change in both yourself and the other person.
4. Forgiveness
   • Cultivate a heart of forgiveness, even if reconciliation is not immediately possible.
   • Remember the forgiveness you’ve received from God.
5. Love
   • Let love be the foundation of your actions and words.
   • Seek the other person’s well-being and spiritual growth.

   “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
   (1 Peter 4:8)

Follow-up

1. Pray together
   • If possible, end the conversation by praying together.
   • Ask for God’s healing and guidance in your relationship.
2. Allow time for reflection
   • Give both yourself and the other person time to process the conversation.
   • Be open to further discussions if needed.
3. Seek accountability
   • If appropriate, involve a trusted friend or spiritual leader for support and guidance.
   • Continue to work on your growth and understanding.

Following these biblical principles, you can approach confrontation with wisdom, love, and grace. Remember that the ultimate goal is to address the wrong, restore relationships, and grow in Christ-likeness together.

 

 

 

About the Author

Meet Bruce Mitchell – a devoted servant of God’s Word and compassionate guide to his flock. As a Pastor, Bible teacher, and writer, Bruce shares heavenly wisdom for daily life.

Educated at Biola University and Dallas Theological Seminary, Bruce leads Agapao Allelon Ministries and writes at Allelon.us. His mission is to weave God’s love into society’s fabric through the principle of Loving One Another.

Inspired by 1 Peter 4:8, Bruce believes love can transform enemies into friends. He teaches that knowing God requires love (1 John 4:7-8) and urges us to love as Jesus did (Ephesians 4:31-32).

Bruce embodies unwavering faith and deep empathy. He offers wisdom from personal experiences and inspires and comforts others. Join him in exploring God’s word and applying it to your life. Let’s share love, as Jesus commanded!

Pastor | Bible Teacher | Speaker | Writer | Podcaster | Advocate for God’s Mercy, Grace & Love | Biola University & Dallas Theological Seminary alumnus | 1 Peter 4:8