Embracing Love and Respect: Honoring Parents Regardless of Their Flaws

The relationship between parents and their children is intricate and complex. Parents are the first individuals a child interacts with and significantly influence their behavior, beliefs, and attitudes. But what happens when you feel your parents have betrayed you? Should you still respect and love them? The answer is not straightforward, but let’s delve into it.

The Biblical Command

The Bible, specifically the Ten Commandments, explicitly tells us to “Honor your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12). This command is not restricted by age, circumstances, or the quality of parenting. It is a universal principle that applies to all, regardless of whether their parents are living or deceased. But the question arises: how can you honor your parents if you believe they are not honorable?

“Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
Exodus 20:12

Understanding Honor and Respect

Before we can answer this question, it’s crucial to understand what honor and respect mean. Respect often refers to our internal assessment of someone’s character or achievements. On the other hand, honor typically refers to our outward expressions towards them, demonstrating our respect through words or actions.

Honoring your parents does not necessarily mean agreeing with or condoning their actions. It does not require you to live a lie or deny the existence of any hurt or betrayal you may have experienced.

What Does It Mean to Honor Parents?

Honoring your parents goes beyond blind obedience or agreement with their decisions. Instead, it’s about acknowledging their role as your parents, showing them kindness, and valuing them as individuals. Here are some practical ways you can honor your parents, even if you feel they have wronged you:

Forgiveness

Forgiveness can be challenging, especially when the hurt runs deep. However, it is an essential step towards healing and honoring your parents. Forgiving your parents does not mean you approve of their actions. Still, it allows you to release any resentment affecting your present life. Forgiveness is less about them and more about your peace of mind.

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Accept each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts, for as members of one body, you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.
Colossians 3:12-15

 

Respectful Communication

Even if you disagree with your parents or feel hurt by their actions, it’s essential to communicate with respect. Avoid speaking ill of them and express your feelings without resorting to insults or harsh words. This does not mean suppressing your feelings but respectfully expressing them.

Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. God has called you to do that, and he will grant you his blessing.
1 Peter 3:8-9

Praying for Them

Regardless of your relationship with your parents, you can always pray for them. Pray for their well-being, salvation, and any changes you hope to see. Praying for your parents is not just about their needs but also an act of obedience and faith on your part.

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces incredible results.
James 5:16

Showing Love

It might be difficult to feel love towards parents who have hurt you. However, showing love does not mean you have to feel affectionate feelings. It could be as simple as wishing them well, helping them when needed, or being kind to them.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

The Power of Grace

Even after applying these suggestions, you may find it difficult to honor your parents in certain situations. This is where the concept of grace comes in. Grace is about bestowing honor freely without considering the person’s actions or character. It’s about treating others with kindness and respect, not because they deserve it, but because you choose to.

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love conceals a multitude of sins.
1 Peter 4:8

Just as Christ showed us grace by dying on the cross for our sins, we, too, can show grace to our parents. This does not mean ignoring their faults or pretending everything is fine. Instead, it’s about acknowledging their shortcomings and choosing to honor them regardless as an act of love and obedience to God.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, slander, and all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, and forgiving one another, just as God, through Christ, has forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:31-32

Conclusion

Honoring your parents, even when they seem undeserving, can be challenging. However, it becomes more feasible by practicing forgiveness, respectful communication, prayer, showing love, and establishing boundaries. Remember, in the end, the command to honor our parents is not about them but our obedience and reverence towards God.

Your parents, just like all of us, are flawed human beings. They might have made mistakes, but they also have their strengths. Seek to recognize these strengths and focus on the positive aspects of your relationship. At the same time, don’t shy away from standing up for yourself and protecting your well-being. After all, honoring your parents does not mean sacrificing your mental and emotional health.

Finally, remember that you’re not alone in this journey. Contact Pastors, elders,  trusted friends, mentors, or professionals who can provide support and guidance. Above all, trust in God’s wisdom and love as you navigate this challenging aspect of your life.

 

 

About the Author

Bruce Mitchell is a speaker, writer, and Bible teacher who loves to share God’s Word in everyday life. He has studied at Biola University and Dallas Theological Seminary. His blog (Allelon.us) is all about the principles of Agapao Allelon (Loving One Another) and God’s Mercy, Grace, Love, and Forgiveness and how it applies to our daily lives as Christ-Followers. (1 Peter 4:8)